'I hired a surrogate and now I don't want the baby'

What makes a parent? If you are the reason a child is brought into the world, but you aren't genetically related, would you still feel like a father? That's the unique situation one Redditor apparently finds himself in after he and his wife turned to a surrogate after three miscarriages and long term infertility due to PCOS.

"We paid lots of money to a surrogate in order to have our own child together," he wrote. "The surrogate was a nice lady who took care of her body and we got along very well.

"My wife and I were so excited the day she gave birth but once I saw the baby I knew that there was something wrong.

"The baby had Asian features, black hair and brown eyes when we are both white blonde folks with blue eyes.

"We immediately brought up the issue with the doctors and asked for a DNA test. I am not the father."

The man said he and his wife were devastated by the news and the clinic had offered them financial compensation for the mix-up, but it wasn't enough.

"We don't care about race, we are just upset that the baby wasn't both of us, if he was white and not mine we still would of been just as upset.

"The surrogate was really heartbroken as well after we revealed what happened but can't afford to keep it as she already has five kids."

The poster finishes by asking if he is a bad person for wanting to take legal action against the agency and not keep the baby.

Commenters were quick to point out while he might not be the father, it was still his wife's child.

"He wanted to have a baby that was equally his as it was his wife's. That's a reasonable statement. What isn't reasonable, is taking all of the considerable amount of money, time, and emotional investment he made over a long period and simply having an irrational visceral reaction to 'raising another man's baby,'" wrote one person.

"As a man, I would feel hurt. I would feel partially emasculated. But if this is something I wanted, and my wife wanted, I wouldn't waste the chance given to us simply because of the organisation's f*ck up.

"I do hope they decide to care for the child," wrote another. "It's a life. And it's not there responsibility but it's weird because they did decide to bring the baby into the world.

"You brought this child into the world, you now have responsibility to take care for it," one man wrote. "There's tons of people getting a kid they might not have wanted, be it because it is sick or disabled, conceived by cheating, or just not the 'right' gender.

"That doesn't mean you're suddenly excused from your responsibilities.

"What are you going to do? Just say "I don't want it", deny this child to have parents, set it up for a life as an unwanted human and hope for the best?

"Genes don't matter that much. Get over it and learn to love the kid. If you can't do that, you are huge immense assholes for bringing this child into life and then ditching it."

News Corp Australia

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