Venus is Fallon Hudson
Is that a vial of poisonous gas in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
When it comes to men, sometimes they will do and say just about anything to get the attention of a woman.
Take for instance Bryan Sisco, a 40-year-old American man who thanked his lucky stars when he sat beside 23-year-old Danielle Valimont by accident on a recent Delta Air Line flight.
To impress the much younger women he claimed to have enough poisonour gas to knock out the entire aircraft and whipped out a butane lighter.
Is that supposed to impress a girl?
The fact you dabble in illegal substances?
Not only that, he was swearing at her as well. Apparently he continued to say he was an architect and a federal marshal and that his father was in the CIA.
It was no surprise he had just smashed five whisky and cokes.
As a woman, I am sure we have all been there, where a guy has come up with the faint smell of alcohol on their breath and leant in and said, "Do you come here often?"
After the mile-high flirting, Sisco woke up in handcuffs with the FBI, where he now faces charges of carrying a weapon or explosive on an aircraft.
If only he'd said, "I have a banana in my pocket," he might have been luckier.
Mars is Zane Jackson
Ever seen a gorilla documentary on TV?
There's always an alpha male, the biggest brute of all the blokes, who gets first pick of the gorilla females.
If you are one of those other guy gorillas looking for a bit of fun, you have to fight your peers over the alpha male's rejects.
Which, strangely enough, is pretty much how it works with humans.
Usually the biggest chest-beating guy grabs all the attention from females at a nightclub.
Their brain size might be inversely proportioned to their large biceps and six pack, but the ladies love it.
For us guys who lack the massive muscles, who aren't sports stars or don't display similar alpha male tendencies, we have to rise above our peers to pull a girl.
Just being yourself is usually the best tonic, but that doesn't stop some guys going to outrageous lengths to pick up. If you're a bloke like me, you know guys who have told lies to impress the ladies.
Visually, some guys also try to sucker them in with fashion like bright-coloured shirts or designer jeans.
Us guys just have to accept that while we're not all alpha males, there's no harm in being a pack male with a great personality.
Usually the biggest chest-beating guy grabs all the attention from females at a nightclub or pub.
Venus and Mars is a weekly humour column by Zane Jackson and Fallon Hudson.