IS THAT a gun in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?
Well, it wasn't a gun and we assume his son will be happy.
A security guard snapped into "protection" mode when an unassuming visitor triggered lights and alarms as he entered Maroochydore Court House.
The man had already surrendered his wallet, loose change and car keys, but in the foyer of our halls of justice the bulging pocket on his cargo pants remained a security concern.
After all, the metal detector doesn't lie.
Sheepishly, the suspect now known simply as Ken emptied the mystery contents to reveal ... condoms.
"I was quite embarrassed. They're not for me," a red-faced Ken pleaded nervously.
"My 21-year-old son asked me to pick some up."
Yeah, right. In a building that is home to the odd pork pie, Ken knew the game was up.
He threw his hands up in surrender.
"It's useless to try to explain," he confessed uneasily.
"Even trying to explain, I know it won't wash down."
Ken, 61, of Sippy Downs, is adamant he was not smuggling "contraband" into the court house.
"I thought they were non-metallic, but apparently they are," he said.
"Even my belt didn't beep."
The guard allowed him to gather up the packets and released him to go about his business ... getting a document signed by the court house JP.
Ken's face was still a little crimson as he fled the court to freedom soon after, no doubt to unload "the package" to his desperate mark.
Ahh, the things we endure for our children.